AN INCH FROM MURDER
My Life As A Male Victim Of Sexual Child Abuse
PLEASE HELP ME WITH MY HEART FAILURE. I JUST CANNOT SURVIVE -
AWAITING HEART TRANSPLANT.
I could have much improvement in my Heart Failure if I could afford the
$150+/month for Ubiquinol. At present I live on $674. from Social
Security Disability.
Must Read:
Ubiquinol Form of CoQ10 May Provide an Edge in Heart Failure Patients
Spring 2011
Coenzyme Q10 (CoQ10) has long been known
as a beneficial nutrient for the heart, especially in cases where the
heart muscle itself has failed.
This study provides compelling evidence that
persons with advanced heart disease may benefit more from ubiquinol than
from traditional forms of CoQ10.
An Inch From Murder - became a Kindle Book - June 2011
**********************************
Update - June 2011
HbA1c - 6.7
Gallstones - I have. But have things under control - or Diet has me
under control as I can't have the sucker taken out anyways. Heart too
weak. Had an ECHO - June 8th - same as last year - a 10-15% Ejection
Fraction. You don't improve with Congestive Heart Failure.
This year - I am not able to do inclines any longer - when walking
Sabrina. So a short drive away - I go to a flat Park where she can have a
swim.
Life is good - when you are off Statins - and I'll tell you why.
I've had some difficulties with STATINS. If you can avoid them - don't
take them.
To my Cardiologist: June 2011
ADDING TO MY LIST OF INTOLERANCE - is a very sad and angry complication
from Crestor. Until " I " - took myself off of Crestor 20 MG - on April
10, 2011 - within this past year [as a time frame] and more importantly -
since taking Crestor - 2008 - I have awakened 3-4 times a night to
urinate. This interruption of a night's rest - has cost me dearly. I was
told since 2008 - that my Sleep Apnea - was the cause of me waking up to
urinate - so often during the night. I am not in treatment for Sleep
Apnea. I couldn't tolerate the CPAP Machine.
I now - since I stopped Crestor - Sleep throughout the night without
having to get up to urinate - but just - One Time. I have been going
through the misery of this Crestor - causing me grief - for 3 years.
What Crestor has done to me:
Big Time - Memory Loss
Persistent and Continuous Stiff Necks, Back and Body Muscle aches -
throughout my body.
Irritable Bowel Syndrome
Fecal Incontinence
All of which stopped - the day I stopped Crestor - and nothing else has
been added to the equation - like Diet Changes - new medications nor
Vitamins or Minerals.
My problems have been from Crestor. So I think. I was on Lipitor and Zocor
since 2003.........so that's 8 years on Statins - and in my opinion -
Crestor has caused this total breakdown of my health - in the areas I
mention above. This past 3 years on Crestor - I attribute to the Memory
Loss.
A CT Scan after an emergency room visit disclosed:
A contracted gallbladder with cholelithiasis discovered 10/20/2010
And a Distal abdominal aorta aneurysm 3 cm
I am told for the second year - that I cannot have my Gallbladder removed
- because I have a weak heart.
I meet with a Specialist finally..............January 19th
**********************************
2010 Update
This update reflects the progress of my Heart Failure and efforts to
determine if I am eligible to get on the Heart Transplant List.
Consult Note - 10/14/2009
Provider: Heart Failure and Cardiac Transplantation Center
*** Interval History
This is a 57-year-old gentlemen with advanced cardiomyopathy since 1995
with CHF class III-IV, whose ejection fraction has been documented to be
10%-15%. He underwent cardiac catheterizaton in January 2009, which showed
diffuse coronary disease of his arteries not amenable to stenting. His
last echo was in June 2008, which showed fairly decreased left ventrical
soft systolic function, dilated left atrium along with moderate-to-severe
mitral regurge, and ejection fraction of 15%. He has had two to three
hospital admissions - moreso for pulmonary edema. He is not on Coumadin
due to bleeding.
His New York Heart Association Class does remain III. He is now a
non-smoker and non-alcohol drinker. He has documented three-vessel
disease. He has been compliant with medications and shows good awareness
of his disease. His cath reveals the following: Left main coronary artery
has a proximal large ulceration and a distal 70% stenosis. His left
anterior decending artery has diffuse mild disease at proximal segment
with a total occlusion of the right after the first diagonal. The first
diagonal is a moderate caliber vessel with diffuse mild disease and no
significant obstruction. The left circumflex is a codominant vessel, large
in caliber. The first obtruse marginal has a proximal total stenosis.
There is diffuse mild disease involving the distal segment, the second
obtuse marginal has a long proximal 70% stenosis. There are collaterals
from left to left and from left to right. The right coronary had a
proximal total occlusion. The left ventriclar angiogram is not performed.
There was not a right heart catherization done at this time.
*** Past Medical History
Significant for CHF class III, diabetes (type 2) insulin treatment,
three-vessel coronary disease, cardiomyopathy, ICD [implantable
cardioverter defibrillator], persistent atrial fibrillation, sleep apnea,
COPD, GERD, and intolerance of Coumadin therapy.
*** Procedures
Electrocardiogram: shows atrial fibrillation with controlled rate. A
15% Ejection Fraction
*** Assessment and Plan
This is a 57-year-old gentlemen with advanced cardiomyopathy class III,
stage D, who has an appropriate defibrillator, is currently being maxed on
medications by his cardiologist. He would need a right heart
catheterization, as well as maximal exercise test to determine if he is
nearing need for transplantation. His barriers to transplant would of
course be his past alcohol use with possible damage to his liver, as well
as chronic smoking with damage to his lungs.
ISBN
978-1-58939-730-9. $15.95. Softcover. 322 Pages.
An Inch From Murder was written 20 years ago and is now being
brought to print for the very first time and deals with life as a Male
Victim of Sexual Child Abuse. Drawing from the memory of past molestations
from the age of four until sixteen, a trauma unfolded in adulthood
profiling Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. The uncanning of the abuse by
seven men (including Boston Catholic Priests, a policeman, close relatives and
friends) resulted in the attempted murder of my latest assailant; the
ensuing incarceration and the attempt now to bring the issues of Male
Victimization into focus. I have come out from the main stratum of society
to become a sexual abuse statistic; and a criminal statistic as well. Now,
my desired hope is that I can prevent a victim of Sexual Child Abuse (SCA)
from developing into a criminal statistic, and more importantly, work
towards preventing the SCA statistic in the first place.
I always thought that I
would live a long life in order to tell my story. But at 52, I doubted
that I'd have the strength to really tell what I needed to say, at some
later date. I learned in June 2004 that my Congestive Heart Failure -
Cardiomyopathy, had not improved and that I would benefit from a heart
transplant. I reminded myself of my pledge 20 years ago that "If I Could
Save One Person's Life" - from the heartache and anguish that has come
into my life because of Child Sexual Abuse, by writing this book, then I
would have truly and finally accomplished something in my lifetime; by
having someone read, that there is hope and recognition for the abused,
and that you can get help before it's too late. From 1984 through 1986, I
experienced a life of fear in a maximum security prison in Connecticut and
in the States' Mental Institution for the Criminally Insane. I went back
to the notes that I made 20 years ago in many jail cells of 15 months,
edited all that information as a Male Survivor of Sexual Child Abuse and
completed my story for these present times.
An Inch From Murder - is My Life As A Male Victim of Sexual Child Abuse - It's
about Boston Catholic Priests; being Sexually Molested, Sexually
Assaulted,
Sodomized and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.
Written 20 Years Ago This Year - 2004 - And Now - Brought To Print For
the First
Time
I was sexually molested and assaulted and sodomized - from the age of 4
years
old - until 16 years of age - by 7 different men - family friends - men
in a
position of authority - men I worshiped in the Catholic Church -
a police officer - a Judo instructor and relatives.
#1 A Godfather of a brother - a man who once was in the Seminary -
with a wife
and 4 daughters - an English Professor at a prestigious Boston
College.
#2 A Cousin - 12 years older than me - who happened to have gone thru
already -
the 4 siblings above me in age - including a sister. A Marine -
and a lieutenant
in the Massachusetts National Guard
#3 My Uncle - A Roman Catholic Priest - a retired Chaplain in the US Air
Force.
A Deacon at the Holy Trinity Church in Boston before his Retirement.
#4 My Uncle's Monsignor - at the Holy Trinity Church in Boston - where I
would
visit as an altar boy and say Mass with the Monsignor - and then
afterwards -
before lunch - he would have his way with me.
#5 A Police Officer - a next-door neighbor - with the Sheriff's Department -
Middlesex County - Massachusetts......whom I helped deliver bulk
newspapers with
on Sundays.
#6 A Judo Instructor - a family friend - a brown belt in Judo - who worked
for a
Major New England Supermarket chain - and had seduced other teen
boys - in my
age group - with money and gifts and food and the love of a
family friend from a
kind bachelor.
#7 A co-worker - who was 3 times my age at 15 - whereby I was a short
order cook
at a manufacturing company in Belmont, Mass. - where I
worked part-time after
school - a few nights a week.
**************
I put down the Pen - in the late 1980's - when it was apparent - that No One
was
interested in the Plight of the Male Victim of Sexual Child Abuse. I
couldn't
sell my book.
Why - after 20 years? Well - I always thought that I would live a long life in
order to
tell my story. But after last years' diagnosis at 51 - I doubt - I'll have
the
strength to really tell - what I need to say today - at some later date. I
learned in 2003 - that I had [CHF] Congestive Heart Failure - And I reminded
myself of my pledge 20 Years Ago - that - If I might Save One Person's Life -
from the misery that I suffered - by telling my Story - by having someone
read -
that there is hope - and recognition for the abused - that you CAN
GET HELP
before it's too late - then - I truly will have accomplished
something in my lifetime.
An Inch From Murder is MY Life - One that No One was interested in
learning
about in 1984.
In 1984 through 1986 - I experienced a life of fear in a maximum security
prison
in Connecticut and in the State's Mental Institution for the
Criminally Insane -
for the Crime of Attempted Murder.
I was not wrongfully accused of anything. I was experiencing Post
Traumatic
Stress Disorder - after the "can opened up" - from a life of
Alcoholism -
Divorce - Depression; Self-Destruction, Self-Mutation,
Drug-Abuse and Despair -
and after many ideations of Suicide - I finally -
in a Psychotic State - of
wanting to render my victim - the cost and toll -
for all of the wrongs - done
to me in my life.........
by the many men who had wronged me - I attempted to
take HIS life -
in revenge against all those - who had harmed me.
This Perp [victim] by the way was just a casual drinking buddy - a Real
Estate
friend - who - undenounced to me - was a closet Homo - and one
night staying
over at his house - in the middle of the night - he came into
his guest bedroom
- and jumped on my bones. I freaked - but a whole
month went by before and
during the "uncanning" that I sought revenge
against this person.
***************
AN INCH FROM MURDER - is not easy reading - and because now - I am
going back to
the notes that I made 20 years ago - in many jail cells - of
15 months - it is
my task now - to edit all that fresh information - from then
- and place it in a
concise form - for digestion. It is painful to do this again
- but I must.
But I can't do that easily - because I will vacillate from the present to the
past - to the jail experience - back to childhood.
And I will - tell you all truthfully - why animals are such an important
aspect
of my life - as my dog looks on - as I write.
***************
AN INCH FROM MURDER - will be on sale - hopefully before years end - here on this website -
in a
members
protected area - where you can download any and all
chapters
- either by
individual chapters at your leisure and/or
in an .exe [self-extracting format]
The cost for membership into the members area in order to access the
book - will
strictly be by donations via Paypal and by other means.
***************
UPDATE - MAY 25, 2004
I was able to get out of storage my old computer that has the book on it
and my
hand written notes from the '80's. So - away I go - assembling
this
monster. Here is what's called a "treatment" - that I wrote in 1987 -
and
I will post here - when I get a few chapters uploaded.
An Inch From Murder - deals with my life as a male victim of sexual child
abuse.
Drawing from the memory of past molestations from the age of four
until sixteen,
a trauma unfolded in adulthood profiling the Post-Traumatic
Stress Disorder (a
label chiefly applied until recently to psychically
wounded Vietnam Veterans).
The uncanning of the abuse by seven men - including Boston Catholic Priests,
a
policeman, close relatives and friends resulted in the attempted
murder of my
latest assailant; my ensuing incarceration and the attempt
now to bring the
issues of male victimization into focus.
Studies indicate that 10-16% of all men experienced some form of sexual
abuse
yet this subject has only been treated in scholarly journals. No other
account
approaches the topic in the first person as explicitly and with such
graphic
detail as dealt with here. Only in 1986 was an American
Professional Society on
Sexual Abuse formed after 2000 specialists
gathered at the 4th National
Conference on Sexual Victimization of
Children; illustrating the need for more
information concerning the plight
and treatment of the male survivor.
The problems exclusive to the male experience will be addressed as I
explore my
own recovery process from a lifetime of inner conflict,
depression, alcoholism,
divorce, and the struggle for a heterosexual
identity. In addition, discussions
with other victims, siblings, perpetrators
and therapists during the past
several years will surface because of my
efforts to contact others who will
promote the idea of creating a self-help
support group to help the adult and
child survivor of sexual abuse.
***************
UPDATE - June 1, 2004
I've uploaded and present to you Part I Chapter 1 - for Free - written in
1984-1986 on scraps of paper - in many jail cells - and then put on a
word
processor in 1987. I did not edit it today. I figured it is best to
leave well enough alone -
from the thoughts that I had then. Of course
- If I re-wrote it today -
I'd have a lot more to say - with all that one
learns after 17 years.
Isn't it a shame - that this young Irish lad - of 12 Years of Age - so
young -
sitting there in 1963 - with the best of the world ahead of him -
just relaxing
- as he always did - by the ocean where he grew up - his
transistor radio in
hand - This "Cute Kid" as people would say - being
molested at the
time by at least 4 pedophiles.
I am just a few final chapters away from finishing. These last few
chapters are
the finishing touches - in order to bring thing current.
Here is the Table of Contents. Again remember - that this was written in
1984-1986. I'll have more to add now.
Click Here
UPDATE - September 16, 2004
I Survived - Hurricane Frances
The only other thing that was harder to survive - was
Prison.
No injuries - Thank God. I
lost power from September 3rd at 9 a.m. to
September 15th at Noon. That's 12 long days - and 3 hours. A
lot of damage
to the house and property and neighborhood. Luckily no
injuries/deaths -
nor rain or water into the house.
I've been thru many Hurricanes throughout my
life - but none that included
a duration of loss of power for so long. I must tell you - that a
person with Congestive Heart Failure and who is in need of a Heart
Transplant; it was a
very difficult experience without air conditioning for 12 days.
Yes - I had a generator - but I didn't
have the strength to start it nor fill it with
the 5 gallon containers of gas. My Son came to the rescue -
Neighbors helped.
So I was able to have the refrigerator and watch TV on occasion - and have
a fan on me. But no Air-Conditioning and after 12 days of 90 degree
weather -
it takes it's toll. I lost 12 pounds - which I could afford to lose
anyways.
God was good to me. My Son survived. My Sabrina Pup survived.
My
Heart thanks me - for loosing the weight.
p.s. My Book should be ready for distribution from this site within
the month.
I will ask you all for a screening of it. For those of you who can't
afford to
pay for a copy - I will make arrangements - to get you a copy.
It will just be available ONLY online for this preview - until it goes to
press.
But I will await some suggestions with it first before I go to print -
should
you be kind enough to be so inclined.
*****
UPDATE - October 17, 2004
As you can see:
I Survived - Hurricane Jeanne
without all of the fanfare - and loss of weight - and only 3 days without
power this time - but a much more serious storm for me. I needed a
safe room - this time.
So - on with the Book.
I have the
Second Free Chapter Click Here - uploaded and ready for your perusal.
Please give me your feedback. In this Chapter - you learn of how the
Title of this book was derived.
Again - I should be just a few months away from going to Press. If
you would like an advance copy - just email me or write.
For most offenders,
address verification is
on a
yearly basis, but
for those who have
been designated as
a sexually violent
predator,
address
verification is
required every
90 days.
Under Title 18,
United States Code,
Section 2241(a)(c) -
Aggravated Sexual
Abuse, shall
register
annually or every 90
days for life. All
other individuals
required
to register as
a sex
offender shall do
so annually for at least
10 years after release from prison.
Pedophile
Associated
Offenses:
Child Rape -
Sexual Intercourse -
Victim Less Than
16 Years Old
Unlawful Sexual
Contact
Unlawful
Sexual Intercourse Without Consent
Rape Sexual
Penetration Victim
<16 years or
younger without
consent>
Indecent Exposure
First Degree - Male exposed Genitals
Buttocks to Under
16
Violation of
Probation
Unlawful Flight to
Avoid Prosecution
Failure to Register
as a Sex Offender
Continuous Sexual
Abuse of a Child
Sodomy
(against a minor);
Aggravated Sodomy
(against a minor)
Statutory Rape
Child Molestation;
Aggravated Child
Molestation
Enticing a child for
indecent purposes
Aggravated Sexual
Battery
Criminal sexual
contact toward a
minor
Solicitation of a
minor to engage
in sexual contact
Use of a minor in
sexual performance
Any conduct that
by its nature is a
sexual offense
against
a minor
Aggravated Criminal
Sexual Assault
Predatory Criminal
Sexual Assault
of a Child
Criminal Sexual
Abuse
Aggravated Criminal
Sexual Abuse
Child Pornography
Ritualized Abuse of
a Child
Sexual Exploitation
of
a Child
Exploitation of
a Child
Criminal Sexual
Assault
