CONTENTS
Dedication
Preface
PART I
Chapter 1
Discovering Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. The examination for mental illness;
court proceedings with transcripts from commitment to sentencing. Psychiatric
reports and summaries.
Chapter 2
Review of ages four through thirteen and family history. The first molestation
at four and subsequent sexual abuse. Life as the youngest of five children,
separation of parents, loss of father - moving away of brother. Life in
parochial grammar school, being an altar boy and reviewing the most damaging
abuse.
Chapter 3
Continuation of remembrances of all childhood activities - from the years before
1964 and onwards as the adventures continue with Irish Step Dancing, the world
of a young teen exploring the Island we called home in the summer months.
Chapter 4
My involvement with new experiences as a victim of sexual child abuse was more
engaged between the ages of eleven and fifteen but more particularly during my
seventh and eighth grades of Parochial Grammar School. Why didn't I tell? My new
dog.
Chapter 5
Age fourteen through seventeen. The high school years, summers away from home,
girlfriends, my first car at sixteen and the beginning of the end of the sexual
abuse. Entrance into College. Coping with the separation of my wife-to-be.
Chapter 6
Getting back to the good people in my life. Moving to the summer Island home
permanently. Farming in Vermont, my summer jobs and my first car at 16.
Chapter 7
Hampton Beach, New Hampshire - Salisbury Beach, Massachusetts. Senior year in
High School - my love interests, Harvard University's Animal Research Center. My
acceptance into the University of Massachusetts, Amherst - Pre-Veterinarian
Medicine.
Chapter 8
Marriage at eighteen through a separation in 1976. Raising a family, flunking
out of college, the threat of the draft and Vietnam. Neurodermatitis. A daughter
is born.
Chapter 9
The beginning of alcoholism, moving upward in real estate, the trauma of a
marriage dissolving; infidelity and the continued loss of job security.
Chapter 10
1977 to 1982. Career changes, final divorce, becoming a part-time parent. New
marriage potential. My first hospital emergency room treatment for depression
and alcoholism.
Chapter 11
Discovering Hypoglycemia. Moving back to family in Boston from Connecticut - the
dependency relationship. First entrance into a mental hospital.
Chapter 12
1982 onwards towards 1984. The devastation coping with the breakdown of the
relationship of the past three years. Running away to Florida. Running smack
into trouble. Returning to Connecticut to be near the children. Unemployment
problems and the down-slide into substance abuse.
Chapter 13
1984
The beginning of the uncanning of sexual abuse. The incidents leading up to the
attempted murder and the flight to escape prosecution.
Chapter 14
The "Assault On The Past". The confusing day of the attempted murder and my
night of horror; my escape. My days of flight to avoid prosecution.
PART II
Chapter 1
The surrender. Coping with the unresolved trauma. My first
experience with jail. Notes from a daily journal. Events leading up to the
commitment to the prison psychiatric hospital.
Chapter 2
The personalities and characters in the jail experience. Having to deal
with inmates charged with crimes against children. My unresolved medical
and psychiatric problems. Getting help from family and the discovery that
all of my siblings have been victims of sexual child abuse.
Chapter 3
Review of the efforts sexual child abuse has had on my life as I experience my
first meaningful period of sobriety. The why for keeping child abuse
secret for twenty-nine years. My actual sentencing. Then, Free at
last....after 3 more months.
Chapter 4
Learning to live back in Society. Therapy, treatment solutions. Looking
back on the experiences of violence and anti-social behavior as I reacted
against all males in both a job related manner and in social encounters.
The unvented anger.
Chapter 5
The portrayal of the effects sexual child abuse has on the adult surviving male.
The need for a heterosexual identity. Looking for a self-help support group for
the male survivor. Starting a new life again.
Chapter 6
Years of growth and rediscovery but the continued effects of alcoholism lives
on. Therapy at work but the discouragement of being pharmacologically
resistant to therapy. The slippery sliding slope of medical and mental
health problems.
Afterword
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Chapter 1
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