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May 17, 2005

Abusing children only escalates cycle of pain

It was always the eyes that gave them away as victims of child abuse. There was something there - a ghost of fear, shadows of uncertainty, or sometimes the "nobody here" flat refusal to show or feel anything.

I remember the kids. Each Sunday morning I would get up at 7 to drive down to the Casa de los Niños shelter for abused and neglected children in Tucson, to volunteer until noon. We served breakfast and lunch, made sure the kids brushed their teeth, supervised them in games, read stories and played outdoors, pushing them on swings or a merry-go-round under the spidery shade of mesquite trees.

Some wanted to cling and pretzel around my shins. Some flinched if you reached out to straighten a collar or lift them into a swing. Their eyes had the heartbreaking wounded look of scars deep on the soul.

Statistics say most inmates in prisons are victims of child abuse. Abused children have more problems with alcohol and other drugs. They get into trouble at school and try to pass along their pain by hurting other children or animals.

Victims of child abuse are far more likely to commit suicide. And they're more likely to abuse their own kids.

Amber-alert child molesters dominate the news. But most abused children are hurt by their own parents.

'Somebody the child knows'

"It's not the dark strangers lurking around the corner who are hurting our kids," said Jodi Schmidt, director of clinical services at the Children's Home of Northern Kentucky in Covington. "It's somebody the child knows. A parent, a boyfriend of the parent, a relative."

"That's true," said Heidi Malott, clinical manager at the Mayerson Center for Safe and Healthy Children at Cincinnati Children's Hospital Medical Center. "It's an epidemic."

Last year, her clinic evaluated 1,700 children for sexual abuse, and 400 to 500 for physical abuse. She said studies show "there's far more abuse out there that we don't know about."

One case we do know about made headlines Sunday: "Councilman Sam Malone charged with beating son." Police reports say Malone beat his 14-year-old son with a belt. Malone said it was "parental intervention" to discipline the boy for problems at school.

It's sad and ironic. Malone has been a welcome black leader who emphasized and modeled hard work and discipline as a remedy for the deadly street culture of drugs, violence and murder. Now he's accused of taking discipline to a criminal extreme.

It's ironic, also, because too much "discipline" is worse than none at all.

"They end up developing aggressive and disruptive behavior, and have problems at school," Schmidt said, describing a typical abuse victim among 56 boys, ages 8 to 17, being treated by the Children's Home.

Discipline without marks

Abuse causes bad behavior - which triggers more abuse in an escalating cycle.

Malott said each case is different. "Is it a one-time flying off the handle type thing, or are there multiple injuries from a pattern of behavior?"

Both said most parents who cross the line are usually repeating the same treatment they grew up with. "We're certainly in favor of parents disciplining their children," Malott said, "but discipline means teaching, not leaving marks on the child. We never advocate using any kinds of implements."

The only thing sadder than parents condemned to repeat the mistakes of their own fathers and mothers is the eyes of the children who suffer.

Posted by Nealus at May 17, 2005 03:56 PM

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