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November 23, 2004

Keeping a promise

Granddaughter's stunning revelation prompts woman to write book on protecting children from sexual abuse

By Joline Gutierrez Krueger -- Tribune Reporter

It was a promise Rebecca Howard said she made to her granddaughter.

Tell my story, the 8-year-old girl had urged. Tell it so that no other child gets hurt like me.

Tell it so it stops.

But the story was a devastating one. Albuquerqueans had heard a only a sliver of it in news accounts of the "suicide by cop" shooting death of a Bernalillo County firefighter in January 2001.

The firefighter had lured Albuquerque police to the parking lot of a Northeast Heights Smith's grocery store with a bogus 911 call about a disturbance there. News accounts said the firefighter shot toward the officers, leaving them no recourse but to fire back.

Police at the time said they believed he was suicidal over learning that he was being investigated for child abuse.

The child was Howard's granddaughter.

A week before the shooting, the child had confided to Howard that she was being sexually molested by the firefighter - her stepfather.

Her daughter's stunning revelation brought back Howard's own silent memories of being molested as a child by her grandfather.

"I had never told anyone, not even in my family, about what had happened to me," she said. "But I knew I had to share my experience with my granddaughter."

Weeks later, her granddaughter made her promise to tell others.

Howard's book, "Journey Together: Protecting Children from Sexual Abuse," was published in January 2002. In it, Howard pours out painful stories, using aliases to protect identities.

The book also provides information on child sex abuse and offers ways to deal with children about it and ways to prevent it.

Howard, who admits she never imagined herself an author or advocate, said she struggled to write the book, plucking a few hours here and there, often in the wee hours of early morning or late at night. That year, too, her mother died of cancer and he husband sustained a collapsed lung.

"But I made a promise and I was going to keep it," she said. "Every time I felt like giving up, something would happen to remind me of that."

Howard founded VOICES, or Victory Over Incest and Child Exploitation. Still developing, Howard said, the group's mission is to increase awareness and advocate for legislative reform in the haunting realm of child sex abuse.

"One out of four children become victims," she said. "There's no argument that we don't know enough about protecting our children with statistics like that."

But not everybody has been receptive to the subject, which many would prefer never to speak of.

"My response to that is, 'How do you think the children feel?' We've programmed them to think we can't handle this. They don't want to upset us," she said. "So they don't come forward and tell us."

But the 54-year-old grandmother said she knows now she can never be silent again.

"We as a society start protecting our children when we start empowering our children," she said. "Call me naive, but I really believe this is a crime we can stop."

Besides, she said, she promised.

Posted by Nealus at November 23, 2004 01:32 PM

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