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July 25, 2004
Excerpts From Books - Continued
Defeating Guilt: This concept of the "badness" of self is central to guilt. In its absence, your hurtful action might lead to a healthy feeling of remorse but not guilt. Remorse stems from the undistorted awareness that you have willfully and unnecessarily acted in a hurtful manner toward yourself or another person that violates your personal ethical standards. Remorse differs from guilt because there is no implication your transgression indicates you are inherently bad, evil or immoral. To put it in a nutshell, remorse or regret are aimed at behavior, whereas guilt is targeted toward the "self".
If in addition to your guilt you feel depression, shame, or anxiety, you are probably making one of the following assumptions; 1.) Because of my "bad behavior" I am inferior or worthless (this interpretation leads to depression). 2.) If others found out what I did, they would look down on me (this cognition leads to shame). 3.) I'm in danger of retaliation or punishment (this thought provokes anxiety).
Your perception of goofing up is unrealistically magnified, your anguish and self-persecution are inappropriate and unnecessary.
Sadness And Depression: Either depression or sadness can develop after a loss or a failure in your efforts to reach a goal of great personal importance. Sadness comes, however, without distortion. It involves a flow of feeling and therefore has a time limit. It never involves a lessoning of your self-esteem. Depression is frozen - it tends to persist or recur indefinitely, and always involves loss of self-esteem.
There are several differences between feeling better and getting better. Feeling better simply indicates that the painful symptoms have temporarily disappeared. Getting better implies 1.) Understanding why you get depressed. 2.) Knowing why and how you get better. This involves a mastery of the particular self-help techniques that worked specifically for you so that you can reapply them and make them work again whenever you choose. 3.) Acquiring self-confidence and self-esteem. Self-confidence is based on the knowledge that you have a good chance of being reasonably successful in personal relationships and in your career. Self-esteem is the capacity to experience maximal self-love and joy whether or not you are successful at any point in your life. 4.) Locating the deeper causes of your depression.
Your feelings do not determine your worth, simply your relative state of comfort or discomfort. Rotten, miserable internal states do not prove that you are a rotten, worthless person, merely that you think you are; because you are in a temporarily depressed mood, you are thinking illogically and unreasonably about yourself.
Posted by Nealus at July 25, 2004 07:45 PM
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