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July 10, 2004
Continuation of the “Assault On The Past”
My brother’s Godfather was a seemingly decent guy although somewhat scary when I look back at the man at who’s hands I experienced my first molestation at the age of four. The trauma of that early indoctrinating molestation will remain with me for the rest of my life. It is the most confusing incident I remember. This man too was a respected member of the community – an English Professor at a nearby College in Boston. He married later in life and it’s frightening to imagine how he treated his children – his four daughters. He’s the only one of the seven that I later knew to marry.
My first cousin was twelve years older than I and I looked to him as a big brother, a father and a trusted friend. He was also my instructor in the earliest remembrance of an orgasm and for years – I only knew of oral copulation as the purpose for achieving puberty. Along with the others, I never knew intimidation or physical force; only secrets, bribes, money, favors, booze and gifts.
I was outwardly a normal active youth. I had a paper route, took accordian and irish step dancing lessons, attended parochial school and participated in many of the church’s activities. I performed in a concert band as well as a professional band at thirteen. I also took Judo lessons from the age of eight until fourteen. Here is where our family all had an interest and we developed many valuable friends; except one. This “friend” came into my life filling in gaps of companionship left by others. I didn’t realize it at the time but of all the relationships I experienced, this man made me feel cheap and whorish. He was very generous and accommodating when I needed to borrow money. I realize now that I was being paid to be quiet and only around to satisfy his insatiable desires.
[A reminder – that this was written in 1985]
Posted by Nealus at July 10, 2004 05:46 PM
