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July 08, 2004
Continuation of the “Assault On The Past”
Where are the people that exerted such a profound influence in my childhood and adolescent years? I think of them often and realize that the whole experience of sexual child abuse had not prepared me for any kind of normal relationship. Two of the seven men that abused me are deceased and I find it only fair to not dwell on their personalities. I will state however, that since I am a Catholic and spent time as both an altar boy and choir boy, the sexual relationships that ensued with my Uncle and his friend (a priest and a Monsignor) have altered my opinion of and participation in the Church. To discuss my Uncle further would be pointless and personally weird, as my father is still alive.
My parents were separated when I was twelve; I am the youngest of five. I have come to know my brothers better though discussions on this subject because they too were victims of molestation by three of the seven men I knew. These men were relatives and “friends” of the family, and as my next older brother so adamantly stated, “What is frightening is the amount of sickness attracted to our family in the guise of ‘friends’ of the family”. I feel concerned for the countless other people in this country who continue their vigilance (especially males) and have second shelved the experiences of their youth. Perhaps some of them have handled it already and others may have not come to realize the significance of their past; and others unwilling to express any ramifications connected with this type of abnormal sexual experience. I possessed the common denominators so often observed in the abused child. I was a loner seeking adult and parental companionship; came from a broken home and was the youngest child. I never perceived these men in my life as being Gay. I had no comprehension of the term “Bisexual” which some now appear to have been. They all appeared straight; closet queers perhaps but their lifestyles were apparently so active with child molestation that they had no need to pursue Gay life openly. Around my family and at parties all of these men’s sexual persuasions were not apparent.
[A reminder – that this was written in 1985]
Posted by Nealus at July 8, 2004 07:47 PM
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