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July 01, 2004
Continuation of the “Assault On The Past”
So I decided to begin a book full of the most explicit stories of the conflicts that have raged in my mind through the years and the attempt to bring each problem into focus. I began to discuss this effort with friends and most found the story unbelievable. Almost all asked, “And you never told your parents or anyone until now?” That’s true, and I felt untrusting, confusion and resentment. But I became more determined to discover what effects my experiences as a child and adolescent could shed upon my life. Only by voyaging back and forth, do the causes and effects meld themselves into a complete picture which I am now attempting to review.
The truth and realization of these events began as a small emotional tremor within me. Through my depressing remembrance of these occurrences, coupled with the ever present effects of alcohol, I began to develop an understanding and acceptance of my past. This awareness and admission of the truth however, erupted as an emotional volcano on a night that still seems to be part of a nightmare. My openness to my friend developed into an unexpected reversal in my hope for understanding. I was sexually assaulted by a so called friend after he insured my guard was down after a heavy night of drinking. This act closely paralleled the friendships I experienced in my youth with men that I believed to be friends, but found out later that I was only a plaything for their perverse sexual pleasure. I was again molested by someone I trusted but as usual I didn’t report this incident to the authorities; just as I hadn’t in my youth. This last experience was so shocking and unnerving that my days of bottling up my experiences were over. I was no longer a child, but an adult being molested and assaulted. The trauma of a lifetime released itself in a rage of fury and renewed depression.
Posted by Nealus at July 1, 2004 09:42 AM
Comments
It always amazes me that people can act like this towards other people, especially children. Maybe I'm naieve, but I think there's something wrong with the world.
Posted by: melanie ![[TypeKey Profile Page]](http://www.aninchfrommurder.com/blog//nav-commenters.gif)
at July 2, 2004 08:36 AM
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