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Darkness To Light: Breaking the Conspiracy of Silence The Darkness to Light Show: Breaking the Conspiracy of Silence, hosted by Kathleen Brooks, Ph.D. is a talk show designed to both feature experts in the area of child sexual abuse and offer an arena for people who are concerned about this issue to discuss and share their experiences of courageously facing and healing this global epidemic. I had a very rewarding experience being on this Internet Radio Show on September 20, 2006 Tune In.....Click Here ************************************************************************************* Published May 2005. Read the Preface Here FROM AMAZON.COM An Inch From Murder  FROM THE PUBLISHER "An Inch From Murder": My Life as a Male Victim of Sexual Child Abuse by Nealus - Purchase Here ISBN 978-1-58939-730-9. $15.95. Softcover. 322 Pages. An Inch From Murder was written 20 years ago and is now being brought to print for the very first time and deals with life as a Male Victim of Sexual Child Abuse. Drawing from the memory of past molestations from the age of four until sixteen, a trauma unfolded in adulthood profiling Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. The uncanning of the abuse by seven men (including Boston Catholic Priests, a policeman, close relatives and friends) resulted in the attempted murder of my latest assailant; the ensuing incarceration and the attempt now to bring the issues of Male Victimization into focus. I have come out from the main stratum of society to become a sexual abuse statistic; and a criminal statistic as well. Now, my desired hope is that I can prevent a victim of Sexual Child Abuse (SCA) from developing into a criminal statistic, and more importantly, work towards preventing the SCA statistic in the first place. I always thought that I would live a long life in order to tell my story. But at 52, I doubted that I'd have the strength to really tell what I needed to say, at some later date. I learned in June 2004 that my Congestive Heart Failure - Cardiomyopathy, had not improved and that I would benefit from a heart transplant. I reminded myself of my pledge 20 years ago that "If I Could Save One Person's Life" - from the heartache and anguish that has come into my life because of Child Sexual Abuse, by writing this book, then I would have truly and finally accomplished something in my lifetime; by having someone read, that there is hope and recognition for the abused, and that you can get help before it's too late. From 1984 through 1986, I experienced a life of fear in a maximum security prison in Connecticut and in the States' Mental Institution for the Criminally Insane. I went back to the notes that I made 20 years ago in many jail cells of 15 months, edited all that information as a Male Survivor of Sexual Child Abuse and completed my story for these present times.  ************************************************************************ December 1, 2004 The eBook - An Inch From Murder is now For Sale on this Website - as an E Book - priced at $5.95 USD My Book is available via this link - Click Here as a Microsoft Word Document and/or a PDF file. I can either email the 1.38 MB file to you or you can download the book from a protected area - on this site. For any of you that would like to just Donate - any amount that you send will be greatly appreciated. All Major Credit Cards and eChecks are accepted via Paypal - An eBay Co. I will receive your details from PayPal and will email you back the website page and/or email you the one single 1.38 MB Document. The Sample Chapters of my Book - are at the bottom of this page. Thanks for your support. ************************************************************************ An Inch From Murder - is My Life As A Male Victim of Sexual Child Abuse - It's about Boston Catholic Priests; being Sexually Molested, Sexually Assaulted, Sodomized and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Written 20 Years Ago This Year - 2004 - And Now - Brought To Print For the First Time I was sexually molested and assaulted and sodomized - from the age of 4 years old - until 16 years of age - by 7 different men - family friends - men in a position of authority - men I worshiped in the Catholic Church - a police officer - a Judo instructor and relatives. #1 A Godfather of a brother - a man who once was in the Seminary - with a wife and 4 daughters - an English Professor at a prestigious Boston College. #2 A Cousin - 12 years older than me - who happened to have gone thru already - the 4 siblings above me in age - including a sister. A Marine - and a lieutenant in the Massachusetts National Guard #3 My Uncle - A Roman Catholic Priest - a retired Chaplain in the US Air Force. A Deacon at the Holy Trinity Church in Boston before his Retirement. #4 My Uncle's Monsignor - at the Holy Trinity Church in Boston - where I would visit as an altar boy and say Mass with the Monsignor - and then afterwards - before lunch - he would have his way with me. #5 A Police Officer - a next-door neighbor - with the Sheriff's Department - Middlesex County - Massachusetts......whom I helped deliver bulk newspapers with on Sundays. #6 A Judo Instructor - a family friend - a brown belt in Judo - who worked for a Major New England Supermarket chain - and had seduced other teen boys - in my age group - with money and gifts and food and the love of a family friend from a kind bachelor. #7 A co-worker - who was 3 times my age at 15 - whereby I was a short order cook at a manufacturing company in Belmont, Mass. - where I worked part-time after school - a few nights a week. ************** I put down the Pen - in the late 1980's - when it was apparent - that No One was interested in the Plight of the Male Victim of Sexual Child Abuse. I couldn't sell my book. Why - after 20 years? Well - I always thought that I would live a long life in order to tell my story. But after last years' diagnosis at 51 - I doubt - I'll have the strength to really tell - what I need to say today - at some later date. I learned in 2003 - that I had [CHF] Congestive Heart Failure - And I reminded myself of my pledge 20 Years Ago - that - If I might Save One Person's Life - from the misery that I suffered - by telling my Story - by having someone read - that there is hope - and recognition for the abused - that you CAN GET HELP before it's too late - then - I truly will have accomplished something in my lifetime. An Inch From Murder is MY Life - One that No One was interested in learning about in 1984. In 1984 through 1986 - I experienced a life of fear in a maximum security prison in Connecticut and in the State's Mental Institution for the Criminally Insane - for the Crime of Attempted Murder. I was not wrongfully accused of anything. I was experiencing Post Traumatic Stress Disorder - after the "can opened up" - from a life of Alcoholism - Divorce - Depression; Self-Destruction, Self-Mutation, Drug-Abuse and Despair - and after many ideations of Suicide - I finally - in a Psychotic State - of wanting to render my victim - the cost and toll - for all of the wrongs - done to me in my life......... by the many men who had wronged me - I attempted to take HIS life - in revenge against all those - who had harmed me. This Perp [victim] by the way was just a casual drinking buddy - a Real Estate friend - who - undenounced to me - was a closet Homo - and one night staying over at his house - in the middle of the night - he came into his guest bedroom - and jumped on my bones. I freaked - but a whole month went by before and during the "uncanning" that I sought revenge against this person. *************** AN INCH FROM MURDER - is not easy reading - and because now - I am going back to the notes that I made 20 years ago - in many jail cells - of 15 months - it is my task now - to edit all that fresh information - from then - and place it in a concise form - for digestion. It is painful to do this again - but I must. But I can't do that easily - because I will vacillate from the present to the past - to the jail experience - back to childhood. And I will - tell you all truthfully - why animals are such an important aspect of my life - as my dog looks on - as I write. *************** AN INCH FROM MURDER - will be on sale - hopefully before years end - here on this website - in a members protected area - where you can download any and all chapters - either by individual chapters at your leisure and/or in an .exe [self-extracting format] The cost for membership into the members area in order to access the book - will strictly be by donations via Paypal and by other means. *************** UPDATE - MAY 25, 2004 I was able to get out of storage my old computer that has the book on it and my hand written notes from the '80's. So - away I go - assembling this monster. Here is what's called a "treatment" - that I wrote in 1987 - and I will post here - when I get a few chapters uploaded. An Inch From Murder - deals with my life as a male victim of sexual child abuse. Drawing from the memory of past molestations from the age of four until sixteen, a trauma unfolded in adulthood profiling the Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (a label chiefly applied until recently to psychically wounded Vietnam Veterans). The uncanning of the abuse by seven men - including Boston Catholic Priests, a policeman, close relatives and friends resulted in the attempted murder of my latest assailant; my ensuing incarceration and the attempt now to bring the issues of male victimization into focus. Studies indicate that 10-16% of all men experienced some form of sexual abuse yet this subject has only been treated in scholarly journals. No other account approaches the topic in the first person as explicitly and with such graphic detail as dealt with here. Only in 1986 was an American Professional Society on Sexual Abuse formed after 2000 specialists gathered at the 4th National Conference on Sexual Victimization of Children; illustrating the need for more information concerning the plight and treatment of the male survivor. The problems exclusive to the male experience will be addressed as I explore my own recovery process from a lifetime of inner conflict, depression, alcoholism, divorce, and the struggle for a heterosexual identity. In addition, discussions with other victims, siblings, perpetrators and therapists during the past several years will surface because of my efforts to contact others who will promote the idea of creating a self-help support group to help the adult and child survivor of sexual abuse. *************** UPDATE - June 1, 2004 I've uploaded and present to you Part I Chapter 1 - for Free - written in 1984-1986 on scraps of paper - in many jail cells - and then put on a word processor in 1987. I did not edit it today. I figured it is best to leave well enough alone - from the thoughts that I had then. Of course - If I re-wrote it today - I'd have a lot more to say - with all that one learns after 17 years. Next to come will be a Table of Contents - It is here - Click Here
Click
Here - for Part I Chapter 1
If you include your email - I will email you back with Login information. You could also request the Book -
as printed out from my computer -
I've been thru many Hurricanes throughout my
life - but none that included Yes - I had a generator - but I didn't
have the strength to start it nor fill it with *****
without all of the fanfare - and loss of weight - and only 3 days without
power this time - but a much more serious storm for me. I needed a
safe room - this time.
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Please Participate in and Read This True Crime & Sex Offenses Weblog - Forum Click Here CONTACT Author webmaster [at] aninchfrommurder.com BOOK REVIEWS and Testimonials Book Reviews eBook Purchase Here $5.95 LINKS NATIONAL SEX OFFENDER PUBLIC REGISTRY and SEX OFFENDER REGISTRIES FOR EACH INDIVIDUAL STATE Click Here U.S. Sex Offenders Registries Prevent Abuse Now Center for Sex Offender Management Sexual Predators Stop Sex Offenders Sex Criminals The accused FBI - click here excerpt from For most offenders,
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